Babies Leaving the Roost

Just this weekend, I experienced something strange. Something that I had never experienced before. The feeling of emptiness and awkwardness when your precious baby leaves the roost.

This past weekend, my Leia at the ripe old age of 5 and a half, left home without her parents for the first time. It was a weekend holiday with her grandparents to Penang, Malaysia. Technically, it was just 3 and a half days, but what I would like to share is the indescribable feeling of loss, confusion and other conflicting what-nots. It was an inkling of what is to come when my Leia really grows up and lives her own life. And as her mother, the struggle I face in letting go and trusting her to lead her own life as best as she only can... I don't think any other person not going through this will fully comprehend.

While Leia was away, I had more time to myself, for my hubby G, and for my precious Anya (who was too young to follow her big sis). I treasured the time in which I could lavish more attention and love to Anya. I was happy with the time I could spend cooking delicacies in the kitchen. I cherished the actual conversations G and I had with minimum interruptions. Life was less harried and less chaotic than it would have been had Leia been around. It was almost (if I dare admit) a relief!

But aside from all that, I was struggling a bit emotionally. I felt empty and achy inside. In all of this, I was reminded that my lil (she is obviously not little now) baby is going to leave me. It is only a matter of time. This lil holiday jaunt of hers is just the start. I felt the tendrils of maternal protectiveness fluttering, and bemoaning the loss of Leia's dependence on me. It was almost as if my weekend was tinged with a tad of sorrow. I missed her, did she miss me?

As parents, we can't always hold on to our children and expect them to constantly follow your wishes. We need to learn to step back, let them walk their own paths, learn from their own mistakes and grow to be their unique self. This is the way it should be. It reminds me of my favourite poem by Kahlil Gibran. A perspective I aspire towards... To be there for them when they need me, to give them a strong foundation for which they can always depend on, and as Gibran puts it - To be the stable bow that they love, from which their arrows fly from...


On Children - by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your life but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.